Motivation and Change

Imagine this…

You really want to achieve something. You have had your eye set on this target for a long time and you have tried for it a handful of times before, but have not yet been successful. The fact that you haven’t achieved it yet is very frustrating to you, and it makes you feel bummed, and maybe somewhat ashamed. 

Every time you set out on this effort, you tell yourself it’s a matter of discipline, and that you just need to be ‘mind over matter’ about it. This works for a few days, but then falls off, which makes you again feel ashamed, embarrassed and frustrated by your lack of success. 

After a series of these attempts you are left feeling frustrated, incompetent or maybe even hopeless. You’ve tried everything, and nothing has worked. Clearly there is something wrong here, and not being able to figure it out is basically making pursuing it further a lost cause.

Change - what is it?

Change is hard; change is complicated; change is not linear; and change is doable.

This can feel counter intuitive as on the surface change can seem simple. For example, say your clothes are feeling too tight for comfort and you decide to make a change to lose some weight to help them fit better.

After some online research it seems like eating less sugar would be a helpful change to make, so you decide to eat less sugar. However, after some time you realize that enacting the change is actually more complicated than just eating less sugar, and like we were mentioning in the section above, you find yourself stuck in deeply wanting to make this change, but not being able to. 

From research over the last 35 years we have learned that change “is a process that is gradual, and happens in stages” (James Prochaska, PhD), and that it is strongly influenced by three key components: motivation, ambivalence and a concept known as ‘Readiness to Change.’

Why is it important to know about this?

So what is going on under the surface here?

What do we mean by ‘ready to change?’ Think about it: change means doing something differently than you have done it before. The degree of difference varies -- sometimes it’s a little tweak, other times its a drastic overhaul -- and either way, our success is dictated by our ability and willingness to enact that difference. 

Specifically, research by Dr. Prochaska, who originated the Transtheoretical Model of Behavior Change, has discovered 5 principle stages of change, each with its own unique characteristics.

So what do motivation and ambivalence have to do with these stages? Well, ambivalence, simply put is when two things, or aspects of our life, are in conflict with each other. This can be especially tricky when they are things we value, like spending time with friends and getting to bed by 11 on work days. In this situation, meeting your friends for a late dinner and movie could be in direct conflict with wanting to be in bed so you can be well rested for the next day. This can feel like being pulled in two directions at one time, and the result of feeling stuck that way can make it hard to know what to do or how to move forward. 

In order to effect change, we have to recognize when we are feeling  ambivalence and address it openly and effectively. 

Similarly, motivation is something useful to address so that we can leverage as much umph as possible from it. Many people think that motivation is the same thing as  discipline and/or willpower. But motivation is more specific than that: it’s your own unique reasons for wanting to change.

Intrinsic motivation is the motivation that is deeply personal to each individual. It is anchored in someone’s own personal reason for pursuing change, as it relates to the benefits that the person sees the change will bring to their own life.

It is the opposite of extrinsic motivation, which is coming from external rather than internal sources. Common sources of extrinsic motivation include other people’s desires or wishes projected on individuals, being told or believing they ‘should’ do something, or other ‘top > down’ commands. 

If the majority of a person’s motivation is extrinsic in nature, they are less likely to achieve success, especially in the long term. But if they invest some time in brainstorming and cultivating intrinsic motivation, facing ambivalence and navigating their own readiness to change process, the more likely they will be to achieve their goal, and maintain their success into the future.

How do I know if I am being impacted here?

Think about a change you are wanting to make, like the one(s) that brought you to Octave. Perhaps you don’t know exactly what you need to do to make the change, but if there was one thing you would want to be different… what is it?

Now ask yourself, do you have ambivalence about putting effort towards this? If yes, what is it about? When might ambivalence show up? Worries, concerns, fears? Fortunately, all of these are normal, and also things that your coach or therapist can help you address -- honesty about ambivalence is the only way to navigate it.

Now think about your motivation to make this change… what are your motivators? Write them down. Looking at this list, label each item as intrinsic or extrinsic. How many of each do you see?

Lastly, given the ambivalence and types of motivation you have discovered, what stage of change would you say you are in? No worries if you don’t know 100%, your therapist or coach is great to talk to about this as well.

Therapists and coaches are well trained in these areas (the fact that change is hard for people is part of the reason we have jobs!). In fact, a key element of our profession is to be an ally with the people we work with in the change process. 

After reading this article, please bring any questions, comments or conversations related to ambivalence, motivation and/or readiness to change up in your next session so you can create an individualized plan and strategy for what comes next here.