Social Media Addiction
Imagine this…
It is Monday morning and you are in a good spot heading into the new week. On the way to work you pull out your phone and begin to scroll through your favorite Social Media app... you see posts from friends, family and others you follow and begin to recognize that all the things that these people have/did/experienced over the weekend are not ones that you have/did/experienced.
After spending the majority of your commute scrolling through your feed you notice your mood has shifted and you are not in the same mood that you were in before opening the app(s).
When you get to work, you ask yourself: “Why does my level of satisfaction with my life change after social media consumption?”
If you noticed it does shift, you may be one of the multitudes of people who use social media not just for connecting with others, but for self-comparison, self-validation, and self-regulation. And unfortunately, social media really sucks at providing healthy means of achieving those aims.
Social media may have been designed to make us more connected, but research shows that it can lead to low self-esteem, isolation, anxiety, and changes in our relationships. To combat these effects, we need awareness of not only the true extent of our social media use, but also the function and potential consequences of that use.
Social Media's Impact on Mood
Before we get into the myriad ways in which excessive social media use can be detrimental to our mental health, we first must recognize that it can have different consequences depending on the function of the use. Different means have different ends.
When we use social media to compare ourselves to others or to see how we “measure up” it is unlikely we will be walking away feeling very good about ourselves. Much of the content on social media is carefully curated and enhanced. People tend not to share unflattering outtakes, sad moments, or photos of a night in alone. I If we are comparing our real-life, wonderfully flawed, human selves to that artificial presentation of reality, we are likely to feel less than. Cue the inevitable sense of failing to achieve an unrealistic goal, and low self-esteem.
When we use social media to escape from our negative feelings, it can work for a little while as a nice distraction-- but if we linger too long, we begin to cross over into the land of avoidance. And this is where problems can set in. When we avoid feeling our negative emotions, they have a tricky way of popping up in unexpected and unwanted places. They can even manifest themselves into a more serious mood disorder like depression or anxiety. Burying our heads in the social media sand does not help us to develop skills for tolerating uncomfortable feelings or for thinking of ways to improve the situation through problem-solving. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle of having to seek refuge in a distraction like social media use every time an uncomfortable feeling arises because we aren’t developing a diverse and healthy set of coping skills.
When we use social media as a means of seeking validation, we let other healthier forms of self-validation atrophy. Self-validation is a learned skill, it is not innate, which means we have to work to exercise those muscles and keep them in good shape. Looking to the number of likes or followers to reinforce a sense of personal value or permission to have a certain feeling can be misleading, short lived, and ultimately undermine your trust in your gut or your ability to say to yourself “I’m okay, I’m good enough” and really believe it.
How do we prevent or reverse problematic social medial use?
First, we must commit to a mindful approach to our social media use. Note that I did not say we must not use it. For many people, abstaining from social media use is either undesired or simply not possible. But if we can engage in a manner that is mindful, we can keep an eye out for problematic consequences and change our use before those consequences become deeply ingrained patterns of behavior.
See more information in the Tools section below.
Second, we want to use strategies to reduce our dependence on it, especially for things like mood regulation and self-esteem.
For more information on these, check out the Tools section below.
Tools
Mindful Social Media Use
So what does mindful engagement look like?
Check in with yourself before logging on and observe your mood and the function of this social media use — am I logging on to read about something interesting or find inspiration? To connect with a friend? Am I feeling stressed and looking to numb out for a while? Am I seeking permission for a feeling or validation?
Look for patterns that arise — do you tend to log on when you are lonely? When you are bored? Do you log on to achieve one goal and notice that you get derailed and get sucked in? (e.g. you log on to look up recipes and an hour later find yourself scanning through photos of your ex or that blogger who seems to have the perfect life)?
When you finish engaging, check in with your mood again — did it change after you went on social media? For better or worse? Did a new emotion pop up?
Finally, being mindful of the total amount of time you are spending on social media each day — is it more than you thought? Are there things you are missing out on doing or unable to accomplish because of the time taken up by social media use?
Strategies to Reduce Social Media Consumption
Make it harder to over-engage
Set a timer on your devices to alert you when you have reached a self designated time limit for use (and then really turn it off) or enlist programs that temporarily block internet altogether when you need to get other things done (Freedom ($10, freedomapp.us) or Self Control (free, selfcontrolapp.com) are two options to check out).
Turn off app notifications. These are specifically designed to keep you “trapped” in the cycle of social media usage.
Delete certain social media apps from your devices
Turn your phone off after a certain hour in the evenings or keep it out of your bedroom at night
Find other ways to satisfy the urge. If you are able to recognize the function of your social media use in the moment, you can then look for alternatives that meet the same needs.
If you know that your urge to use is connected to a feeling of boredom, try replacing social media use with something else that is stimulating, like a phone call with a friend, an interesting book, or a walk around your neighborhood.
If you know your urge is connected to a feeling of loneliness, try connecting with a friend or family member IRL, seeking out a new hobby to meet like minded new people, or attending a singles event.
If you know your urge is connected to a need to self-soothe, try other forms of self care like a relaxing bath, a sweet treat, a favorite form of exercise, or a meditation session.
Find ways to keep yourself accountable. As you try alternative behaviors, know that it will be challenging to will yourself to repeat these new skills over and over until they become automatic. This process can be much more effective with support you don’t have to do this all on your own. Enlist the support and accountability of friends or family, or even a coach or a therapist. Having someone to turn to when the urge to use is very strong or when you are feeling frustrated with the process can get you through moments when you might otherwise give up.
Hone your self-validation skills. When we become over reliant on external factors to validate our emotional experience, our self validation abilities can begin to atrophy. It is important to rebuild trust in your gut and confidence in the validity of your emotional experience. Try to forgo posting about an experience, and instead let it be just for you. Before checking how many likes a photo got, check in with yourself and acknowledge whatever you might be thinking or feeling. Give yourself permission to feel happy, sad, or neutral.
If you have concerns about your social media use, please bring it up in your next session with your therapist or coach.
by Sarah Bren, PhD
Psychologist