So you’ve made the brave decision to try therapy, maybe even found a therapist, and are ready for your first session. Now what??

Do you just start telling your whole life story?

Do you vent about the frustrating thing that just happened this week?

Do you lie on the couch and just say whatever comes to mind, like you’ve seen in the movies?

To make the most out of your therapy journey, the first thing you should do is set some goals. It’s important to have a clear discussion with your therapist about what you want to accomplish during your time with them, so they can guide you in the right direction. After all, therapy is a major investment — emotionally, financially, of your time and energy — and like a big travel experience, you don’t want to waste it on unnecessary detours.

Goals don’t just sound good: Research shows that without clear goals, people experienced a weaker relationship with their therapist, had more severe symptoms, and were in treatment for a longer period of time. 

How to Set Goals In Therapy

Here are five essential guidelines to ensure that the goals you establish contribute positively to your therapeutic journey:

1. Focus on what’s in your control.

   A goal like, “Improve my relationship with my mother” might rely too much on another person’s behavior, emotions, and knowledge. Instead, consider a goal like “Learn how to set effective boundaries with my mother.” This goal puts its emphasis on developing your own skills and behaviors.

2. Strike the balance between ambitious and realistic.

   Some parts of life are inevitable. For example, you can’t realistically set a goal to have no disagreements in your relationship. A more realistic, yet ambitious goal could be: “Learn when I need to take a break during disagreements,” or “Develop ways to better regulate my emotions when I’m angry.”

3. Be specific about your intention.

   Instead of a vague goal like “feel happier” which doesn’t provide you with any direction, lean into a specific way you’ll achieve that happiness: “Learn coping strategies to better manage stress so I can enjoy my time with my family.”

4. Center around your hopes and values.

   Connecting your goals to what’s most important to you will make them more meaningful and increase your sense of intrinsic motivation.

5. Stay flexible.

   Recognize that your priorities might change over the course of therapy. Remember to stay flexible and open to changing your goals, setting new ones, or putting some on hold. 

Here are some examples: 

• Improve my ability to communicate what I’m thinking and feeling by expanding my emotional vocabulary and turning inward.

• Speak to myself with more self-compassion and understanding.

• Identify things that trigger my anxiety and practice strategies to reduce anxiety.

• Recognize the signs that I’m entering a depressive episode and develop tools and strategies to get myself the support I need.

• Find new outlets to manage and express my grief.

Q: Do goals direct treatment?

Therapists will use different approaches – or modalities – to help you achieve your goals. If you’re looking to create more balance in your life, your therapist might choose to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as it emphasizes understanding the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 

On the other hand, if you’re looking to process a traumatic experience, they may use an approach like Dialectical Behavioral Therapy or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing which have been shown to be effective in managing trauma. 

Q: Should I set multiple goals at once?

There’s not one right answer – it’s really up to your personal preferences. 

If you currently feel overwhelmed by competing priorities, working towards multiple therapy goals at once could feel like you’re adding even more to your plate and leave you feeling even more overwhelmed. If this sounds like you, you might find more success by concentrating on one goal at a time, allowing for a more in-depth exploration and commitment to that specific aspect of your well-being.

On the other hand, some may find it helpful to work on multiple goals simultaneously – one size doesn't fit all. Work with your therapist to determine what will work best for your specific circumstances. 

Some people may find it useful to set more than one goal, as it acknowledges the interconnectedness of different areas of your life. We can’t always put some aspects of our lives on hold while we focus on others, so it can make sense to work towards multiple goals simultaneously.

Q: How do I measure my progress? 

You might track your progress outside of the therapy setting: journaling your habits, behaviors, successes, or anything else relevant to your goals in a journal. Then you can use it as a progress tracker with your therapist in session.

Your therapist might also use quantitative measures to track your progress toward your goals by measuring your symptoms on a scale or form. This is known as Measurement-Based Care. They may ask you to complete a survey reporting instances of behaviors or symptoms at the outset of starting therapy, and then have you complete the same form sometime later. This can provide a quantitative measure of symptom reduction that can mark progress towards goals. 

These measures can also inform the goals you decide to set. For example, if you initially started therapy for anxiety, you may complete these measurements and understand that your depression scores are higher than you realized. You can then work with your therapist to set goals to improve both your depression and anxiety. 

Q: What if my therapist doesn’t initiate goal-setting?

If your therapist doesn't initiate goal setting, you can initiate the conversation yourself! 

Since it may feel unnatural to bring up, it may be helpful to think about goals as “intentions” you are setting for therapy. Some possible ways to initiate the conversation with your therapist: 

• I’ve noticed recently that I’ve been feeling more ______, so I’d like to work on being able to _______. Is this something we can work on together here in therapy?

• Having therapy goals would be helpful for me, but I’m not quite sure what they are. Could we brainstorm together?

Once these intentions are identified and shared, remember that part of the therapist's role is to support and guide clients in reaching these intentions and introducing a framework to measure a client’s progress in therapy 

While initiating a conversation with your therapist about your goals for therapy may feel challenging, it’s important to remember that the therapist will most likely be very appreciative of you doing so. Therapists are here to support clients, so it’s typically very helpful to therapists when we can more explicitly know how we can offer that support!

Q: Once I’ve reached my goals, then what?

You can chat with your therapist about graduation! Goal-oriented therapy isn’t meant to last forever. Think of therapy as a tool in your toolbox that you might not always need, but can return to when your existing coping strategies aren’t working as well. Sometimes my clients reach their goals but other things arise in life that require additional support – that’s ok. You and your therapist can discuss continuing to work together in therapy for any additional support.

While it can feel daunting to be without your therapist, therapy isn’t supposed to be a crutch but rather a period of emotional training to help you cope with life’s challenges. And it’s a resource that you can always re-engage when needed. 

If you’re having a hard time generating goals, ask yourself how you want to feel when therapy is over. Visualize some of the changes you want to make after you’ve graduated from therapy and that can guide you in developing goals that are reflective of your life circumstances.

Interested in working with a therapist that will help you set goals from the beginning? Octave has over 1,000 therapists who have been carefully selected to ensure you get the most out of your therapeutic journey.