Ask Octave: How Do I Convince My Partner to Go to Couples Therapy with Me?
Photo by Lareised Leneseur via Unsplash
Couples therapy can be really beneficial for a relationship, and its effectiveness has come a long way in the past few decades. Studies have shown that going to a mental health professional who’s trained in couples therapy can be effective for about 75 percent of couples. However, you both have to want it, for it to work.
Although you can't convince your partner, you can educate them on why you think it would be helpful.
Many people mistakenly believe that couples therapy is only used when a relationship is really in crisis - when you’re at the point of breaking up or need someone to moderate a fight. The reality is, couples therapy is used to deepen understanding of your partner, increase vulnerability and safety, and foster a stronger connection.
The goal of discussing couples therapy with your partner would be to decrease the stigma of therapy, and to state what you're hoping to get out of it. Having a conversation with your partner that is about the dynamic between the two of you or an issue that you're both stuck on, instead of about what they are doing wrong, is also a helpful way to frame how couples therapy would be useful. The intent to make clear is that you want to invest in your relationship and improve it.
Here are some potential conversation starters:
“What are your beliefs around couples therapy?”
“I’m wondering if it would be helpful to discuss our repetitive fights with someone, so we can break our patterns before they become toxic.”
“I’ve been thinking this might be a good time to think about couples therapy. We’ve got some habits that might be negatively impacting us, and it would be good to get ahead of them before they get too serious.”
If couples therapy doesn’t seem like an option, you may want to consider individual therapy to determine if the relationship is something that is satisfying or seriously lacking. It’s important to remember that systemic changes can’t be made by just one person in the relationship. However, there is always a benefit to exploring internally what we are bringing to the table.
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The information and resources contained on this website are for educational and informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any mental health condition. Participation in "Ask Octave" does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. The information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough mental health evaluation by a licensed professional.