How Much Drinking is Too Much & When is Alcohol a Problem
Photo by Monica Di Loxley via Unsplash
That beer on the couch after a long day of work is a classic American way to unwind. Cold drink, feet up, TV on. A lot of people found themselves drinking from home more during the pandemic as social outings were limited and many people have continued that habit even now in post-pandemic life. But how do we determine when we are drinking too much alcohol? And how much is too much when it comes to drinking?
How to Tell if You or Someone You Know Is Drinking Too Much
You may often find yourself wondering if you have a drinking problem following a long night out and a very rough next morning. Or perhaps you are wondering if your partner, friend or family member has a drinking problem and looking for signs of alcoholism. This is all understandable and Octave is here to help you look for the signs. Heavy drinking among women (defined as eight or more drinks per week) increased 41 percent in the first several months of the pandemic, and experts worry that these unhealthy pandemic habits will continue long after it ends.
A drink every once in a while to cope with boredom can be harmless. If you or your loved one really is drinking out of pure boredom, discuss what’s causing the boredom to begin with. Perhaps a new hobby or group activity fits into your lifestyle and can curb these feelings. Anything from yoga to video games – break that tunnel vision and explore! Approaching new activities as a couple is also a way to bond and give your partner the confidence boost to get out of that rut.
But if “once in a while” evolves to “more often than not,” it may be time to dig deeper and understand if there is an underlying drinking problem
How Much Drinking is Too Much?
According to health experts, moderate drinking for a typical woman’s BMI is one drink a day and for a typical man’s BMI, two drinks a day – anything more is considered heavy drinking. But you might be surprised to hear that too much is less about the number of drinks someone has and more about the underlying reasons for the drinking. Here are some things to consider:
Are Relationships Suffering Around The Person That is Drinking Too Much?
Both interpersonal struggles and the loss of relationships could indicate there is a larger issue. Alcohol affects relationships in multiple ways. Its most direct impact occurs on the occasions the person is drinking. It becomes more difficult to have regular conversations, especially about serious topics. Friends and family members might feel like the person is absent even when they’re physically present due to their lack of sobriety.
The relationship issues extend beyond when you or your loved one is under the influence of alcohol. The person who is drinking too much begins to prioritize drinking, cancelling plans or only making brief appearances at gettogethers. Since friends and family might express concern over their drinking, they may begin to lie about it. They may start manipulating loved ones in order to get access to alcohol or avoid consequences.
Some relationships become strained due to resentment or worry regarding the drinking. Other relationships end, as people feel neglected or even used.
Is Life Becoming Smaller and Centered Around Alcohol?
If you or your loved one has started losing interest in activities they used to enjoy, that could be a red flag. Consider how time is being spent, such as moving away from previously held activities to redirect attention and time towards alcohol or optimizing their activities to include alcohol.
Are You or They Losing Control of Alcohol Use?
Loss of control is characterized as drinking more than intended, which can include frequently getting drunk or blacking out. For example, if someone has made a goal to drink in moderation during social events and is then unable to stick to their goal, that’s a sign that they’ve lost control.
Is Alcohol Interfering With Work, School Or Hobbies?
Issues like poor performance, drinking during work hours, and frequent absences as a consequence of alcohol use (i.e. being too hungover) are all signs that there’s an issue. It can be easy to hide this kind of behavior from a partner and is usually one of the last signs.
Are Legal Boundaries Being Crossed Because of Alcohol?
It’s not just about getting caught by police. If you observe your partner doing legally questionable things – even if they get away with it – that could mean alcohol is impacting their life in a big way. This can include drinking while driving, disorderly conduct in public, getting into fights, or caring for dependents while intoxicated and compromised.
Someone can rarely drink and not meet the clinical criteria for heavy drinking and still be drinking too much. If your partner drinks once a year, but every time they drink they lose control and get a DUI, they likely have a substance use disorder (the clinical term of “too much”).
Opening Up the Conversation About Drinking Too Much
If those signs resonate and you feel your partner is drinking too much, it’s a good idea to have a conversation with them about your concerns. This should be done when they’re sober and in a comfortable, neutral environment.
If you are confronting a loved one who may be drinking too much, make sure to speak to them in a safe, sensitive, and non-judgmental way, let them know that you see the struggles that they are enduring and ask them if they want support. Always speak from your own perspective. Using “I” statements can prevent you from making hurtful accusations that can unnecessarily escalate the conversation. For example, “I’m worried about your drinking habits. I’m concerned that you may be struggling and I want to support you. Can we talk about this?”
If you are looking to speak about your own drinking, choose someone who you trust to be non-judgmental, but who will commit to being honest even when it is tough. Ask for what you need – explaining that even though you are looking for and appreciate their honesty, you’re feeling vulnerable and require a soft touch.
This can be a great catalyst for small changes as well. Maybe limiting drinking to certain days or drinking mocktails in social settings instead of alcoholic ones. Identify the areas of life that have been negatively impacted by drinking. Focus on making small changes that easily integrate into daily life and can be realistically sustained. Consider talking with a therapist to learn effective coping methods.
Creating Your Own Support System
Substance use disorders are progressive, and as they grow in intensity, the negative impacts become more apparent – both for the user and those around them. Whether your partner decides to engage in their own treatment or not, you may want to consider getting support for yourself.
Working with a therapist who is knowledgeable in substance use disorders also can help you learn what forms of support are beneficial and what kinds of support are harmful. You will learn how to lovingly set boundaries and how to tend to your own emotional wellbeing and growth.
Open communication is the first step to addressing a substance use disorder. Often that first step is the hardest but it’s important to remember you don’t have to walk this journey alone. There are great resource groups and therapists that can support you throughout this process. Not sure where to start with therapy? Octave can help you get started with your therapy journey and healing from alcohol related issues.
Resources
A great resource is the National Drug & Alcohol Treatment Referral Routing Service at 1-800-662-HELP. This nationwide organization will help your loved one find a treatment program in their community.
Organizations like Alcoholics Anonymous, Codependents Anonymous or NAMI are wonderful resources for personal growth, community, and peer lead treatment.
One organization I like to refer clients to is Al-Anon, a mutual support program for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking.
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The information and resources contained on this website are for educational and informational purposes only and are not intended to assess, diagnose, or treat any mental health condition. Participation in "Ask Octave" does not imply nor establish any type of therapist-client relationship. The information obtained from this site should not be considered a substitute for a thorough mental health evaluation by a licensed professional.