How to Help Support A Loved One With Depression
Camille Mack, LMFT
Octave Therapist
Depression affects millions of people, weighing heavily on their emotions, thoughts, and daily lives. You might feel unsure how to support someone with depression. While you can’t “fix” their struggles, your support can make a significant difference in their healing and overall well-being.
This article will help you understand how to support someone with depression. It will help you recognize the signs, understand what your loved one may be experiencing, and offer meaningful support. Small actions, from showing care to encouraging professional help, can provide much-needed comfort and hope.
How to Support A Loved One With Depression
Supporting someone with depression can be challenging, especially when you don’t know what to say or do. It’s natural to want to help, but depression is complex, and what works for one person may not work for another.
Let’s talk through how to recognize signs of depression in your loved ones and offer some things you can do to help them feel seen and supported.
Identifying Signs of Depression
Depression affects the way a person thinks, feels, and behaves. It can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming and lead to withdrawal from friends and family. You may notice that your loved one no longer enjoys what they used to, struggles with motivation, or has difficulty expressing their emotions. Some people cope with their feelings internally making it harder to see on the surface, this can also be seen in hidden depression.
Here are some signs you should look out for if you want to know how to help someone with depression:
Persistent sadness or hopelessness
Loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy
Changes in sleeping patterns, whether sleeping more or less than usual
Changes in eating patterns, whether eating more or less than usual
Social withdrawal
Irritability or mood swings
Difficulty concentrating
Complaints of physical aches and pains
Persistent energy and fatigue
If you notice some of these signs in a loved one, you might feel unsure how to talk to them about it. One of the best things you can do is check in with them, noting your observations without judgement and expressing care and concern. Those who appear ‘normal’ may also fall under the category of high-functioning depression.
Here are some phrases you can use to check in with someone:
“I’ve noticed you seem really down recently. Do you want to talk about it?”
“You don’t seem like yourself lately. Is everything okay?”
“You’re important to me. I care about you and I’m here to listen if you’d like to talk.”
“It’s okay if you’re struggling. I want you to know that I’m here for you.”
“Would it help to talk about how you’ve been feeling? Or is there another way I can best support you right now?”
How To Support Someone With Depression
Helping a loved one with depression requires patience, understanding, and proactive support. While you alone can’t heal their depression, small, meaningful actions can provide comfort and encouragement.
Show That You Care
One of the most powerful things you can do is to stay connected to your loved one and show them that you genuinely care about them and their well-being. Because many people with depression struggle with social withdrawal, reaching out and offering consistent care and support can be incredibly comforting.
Be a good listener by listening actively without judgement or trying to “fix” their emotions. Instead of offering immediate solutions, focus on being a compassionate listener. Phrases like “I can see you’re really hurting, and I want you to know I’m here,” or “That sounds really difficult,” show empathy without minimizing their struggle.
Respect their emotional space while staying present. Sometimes, they may not feel like talking. Let them know it’s okay: “No pressure to chat, but I’m always here when you need me.”
Continue reaching out, even if they pull away. Depression can cause people to isolate themselves. If they aren’t responding, send a simple, pressure-free message like “Thinking of you,” or “No need to reply, but I’m here if you need me.”
Social connection is an important component of depression recovery. Helping protect your loved one against isolation and loneliness can make a big difference in their well-being.
Be Hopeful In Conversations
When someone has depression, it can feel like a dark cloud has cast a shadow over their life. It can make them feel like things will never get better, and that the way they feel now will persist forever.
Do your best to be hopeful without engaging in toxic positivity—statements like, “Stop worrying so much,” or “Look at how great your life is!” are unhelpful. Instead, balance encouragement with empathy—“I know things feel hard right now, but it won’t feel this way forever,” or “You’re not alone. I’m here for you.”
Help them understand that depression is a real medical condition that treatment can help. Reassure them that things like medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes are scientifically proven and can help them feel better.
Offer Tangible Help
People with depression often struggle with everyday tasks, making it difficult to keep up with responsibilities. Offering practical, tangible help can relieve some of their burdens and show that they are not alone.
Instead of asking, “What can I do to help you?” which may feel overwhelming, offer specific kinds of help. Offer to pick up takeout, come over and help with laundry or tidying, pick up medication, or drive them to their therapy appointments.
If they’re not seeing a therapist yet, offer to help them find one. Depression can make it hard to take that first step in getting help. Offer to help research therapists covered by their insurance plan or accompany them to doctor’s appointments.
Simply be present and spend time with them. Even if they don’t feel like talking, sitting with them, watching a movie together, or going for a short walk can provide comfort and companionship.
Take Initiative in Offering Support
Beyond offering support with daily responsibilities, actively show up to provide social and emotional support for your loved one. People with depression often feel like a burden, which can make them reluctant to reach out. Instead of waiting for them to ask for help, take the lead in supporting them.
Check in regularly, even if they don’t respond. A simple text like “Thinking of you—no need to reply” reassures them that they are not forgotten.
Gently encourage social connection. Invite them to do things, even if they say no. Keep extending the invitation without making them feel guilty for declining.
Help them maintain routines. Ask if they want to take a short walk together or do a simple activity like watching a show. This can help them feel connected without forcing interaction.
Even if your attempts to connect go unanswered, your continued efforts will remind them that they have someone who cares about them and they can go to for help.
Educate Yourself on Depression
There are many pervasive misconceptions about mental illness. Educating yourself on depression and mental health can help you avoid unintentional harm, all while improving your ability to empathize with your loved one’s experience.
Recognize that depression goes beyond just feeling sad—it can manifest as physical pain, fatigue, and insomnia.
Understand that your loved one’s depression isn’t caused by something they did wrong or that it’s “all in their head.” They can’t just “snap out of it” and make themselves feel better.
Familiarize yourself with the warning signs that someone is in crisis and immediate action needs to be taken. If your loved one expresses serious thoughts of harming themselves or others, contact a suicide crisis line like 988 Lifeline or call 911.
Be Patient and Understanding
Supporting someone with depression is not always easy. There may be days when they seem unresponsive, irritable, or uninterested in your help. Do your best to be patient and know that their behavior is a symptom of their depression, not a reflection on how they feel about you.
Recovery from depression isn’t linear. Some days might feel easier than others. Know that your loved one might experience set-backs, and offer support without expecting immediate results.
Depression affects motivation and energy levels—if they cancel plans or seem ungrateful, don’t take it personally. Instead of pulling away, continue to check in and offer support without pressure.
Give them space, but don’t give up on them. Depression can make people withdraw, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need you. Be patient, keep checking in, and remind them you care—without pushing too hard.
Your understanding, even when things feel stagnant or difficult, reassures your loved one that they don’t have to face this battle alone.
How To Help Someone with Postpartum Depression
Postpartum depression is a serious mental health condition that impacts 10-15% of people after giving birth. It can cause intense feelings of sadness, exhaustion, anxiety, and even detachment from their baby.
Much like with depression, it can be hard for those with postpartum depression to ask for help. As a loved one, your support can make a significant difference in helping them feel less alone.
What is Postpartum Depression?
Postpartum depression is a form of clinical depression that occurs after giving birth, typically within the first few weeks or months. It differs from the “baby blues” that the majority of people experience after giving birth. While the baby blues usually resolve within the first two weeks after delivery, postpartum depression is more severe and persistent.
Symptoms of postpartum depression include:
Persistent sadness, hopelessness, or emotional numbness
Loss of interest in activities previously enjoyed
Trouble sleeping, even when given opportunities for uninterrupted sleep
Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or shame
Thoughts of being a bad parent
Lack of interest in the baby, or not feeling connected or attached to the baby
Pervasive anxiety around and about the baby
Thoughts of self-harm or harming others
While depression and postpartum depression share similarities, postpartum depression is unique in that it’s specifically experienced during the postnatal period. Postpartum depression is also complicated by the significant hormone drop after having a baby, along with the emotional and physical demands of caring for a newborn.
Unlike general depression, postpartum depression involves intense anxiety about the baby, difficulty bonding, and excessive guilt about parenthood. While both forms of depression require treatment and support, postpartum depression involves additional challenges related to caring for a newborn and the transition to parenthood.
How to Help Someone with Postpartum Depression
Many new parents experiencing postpartum depression feel isolated, guilty, or shameful about their feelings, making it harder to ask for help.
If you have a loved one experiencing difficulties during the postpartum period, here are some things you can do to help.
Encourage Professional Help
Postpartum depression is a medical condition that can be effectively treated. Encourage your loved one to speak to a medical provider about therapy or medication. Offer to help with research, schedule an appointment, or accompany them for support. Reassure them that postpartum depression is not a personal failure or a reflection on their abilities as a parent.
Offer Genuine Support
Depression can make even simple tasks feel exhausting. Instead of asking, “Do you need help?”, take initiative: bring a meal, do the laundry, or watch the baby so they can rest. Small actions can ease their stress and provide much-needed relief. Social support can be a protective factor against postpartum depression, so stay connected as much as you can.
Listen and Provide Reassurance
Let them know they are not alone. Validate their feelings with phrases like, “You’re doing an amazing job, and I’m here for you.” Allow them to share openly about their experience, feelings, and worries. Listen without judgement and avoid minimizing their feelings or telling them to "enjoy every moment"—this can add to guilt.
Encourage Self-Care
Postpartum depression can’t be cured through self-care, but it can make it harder to take care of your basic needs. Encourage your loved one to rest, eat, nap, and take breaks. Offer to watch the baby while they take a shower, go for a walk, or engage in an activity that helps them feel more like themselves. Remind them that prioritizing their well-being isn’t selfish—it’s essential for both their health and their ability to care for their baby.
Watch for Severe Symptoms
If your loved one has thoughts of self-harm, harming the baby, or complete hopelessness, seek professional help immediately. Extreme withdrawal, inability to care for themselves or the baby, hallucinations, or panic attacks can signal the need for immediate intervention. In these cases, call or text the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline or call 911.
Conclusion
Supporting someone with depression requires empathy, patience, and consistent care. Your presence, encouragement, and understanding can make a meaningful difference. Be patient with the process, recognize the importance of professional help, and continue offering practical and emotional support. With your ongoing care, your loved one can begin to feel less alone and more hopeful in their journey toward healing.