After a Chronic Illness Diagnosis, You May Struggle With Your New Identity
By Randy Jacob via Unsplash
Having a chronic illness is hard enough, but coping with the diagnosis can be a difficult journey in itself. The psychological impact of learning that your life may no longer continue on the path you imagined for yourself often triggers a deep confusion and isolation that needs to be managed as much as the physical illness.
Approximately 133 million Americans have some type of chronic disease, from manageable cases of diabetes and hypertension to more debilitating conditions such as persistent pain, mobility issues, or dementia. A growing number of people are now dealing with long-haul COVID.
As a therapist, I’ve worked extensively with both children and adults facing a chronic illness diagnosis and find that it can often be harder for adults. While children may be more adaptable to their new reality, adults often find themselves challenging their sense of identity: Who am I now? What will my life look like? I have heard countless people describe not only feeling disconnected from others, but often feeling detached from themselves.
You may have had plans, expectations, notions of what your future would be like. Now you're troubled by the unpredictability of your new existence. You may be facing the reality that your body is different, and maybe can't do everything it once did. Career aspirations may have to shift. Your social life may be limited. The role you have assumed in your family may change. It might be a struggle to know who you are in spite of this sickness that has overwhelmed your life.
You are grieving, and I want you to know that it’s ok. We often think of grief as losing someone close to us, but grieving can also be the loss of something. In many ways, a diagnosis – especially one you’ll have to live with indefinitely – brings a deep sense of loss for who you once were and possibly important parts of your livelihood.
Just as there are steps for grieving the loss of a loved one, it’s important to allow yourself space to grieve the loss of your pre-illness identity. This can include:
Allow your emotions.
Anger, depression, fear – it is normal to deal with a roller coaster of emotions. You may find yourself feeling sad one moment and angry the next. Let yourself feel these complex jumbles of emotions. It's not uncommon to re-evaluate your goals. The task now becomes finding new meaning to life in the midst of what you've had to shift. This is not simple. Coping with a "new normal" is a challenge that looks different for everyone.
Understand your own grieving journey.
Grief isn’t a linear process; it comes in waves. Phases of denial and depression can be intertwined. Acceptance may not necessarily be a clear, one-time process, in fact, your acceptance may be an ongoing journey that you experience for years.
Lean on a support network.
Connecting with people that you feel can hear and understand you is invaluable. Whether that's a mental health professional, a support group, a friend or family member, the key is to find a space where you feel comfortable sharing.
Open yourself to generosity.
If people are willing to help you, accept their help. Often we’re conditioned to handle all of life’s challenges on our own, but managing a chronic illness is a challenge that may require more support.
Find avenues of expression.
That could look like journaling or other forms of artistic expression. Take time to shift your attention to things you still have or the parts of your "new normal" that you appreciate/enjoy.
Find purpose and meaning.
Discussions around chronic illness are largely focused on the negative. However, there is also opportunity in this shift in your world. There is a chance to discover new parts of yourself and a new lens from which to gain perspective. Maybe the challenge of having to make a career switch led you to advocacy work. Maybe your social ventures have narrowed but you've gained a community of people that understand you. Maybe you have more gratitude for the small joys in your life that you once took for granted.
Your story doesn't end here; it can be rewritten. Remember that whatever you are feeling is valid, and there is not one recipe to cope and live your life with a chronic ailment. Explore and discover what works for you. The road ahead may not be the one you imagined, but there are opportunities for a path that is still enriching and meaningful.