How Does Online Couples Therapy Work?
Clinically Reviewed by: Channing Richmond, LMFT
Written by: Janelle Martel
Online couples therapy, also known as virtual or telehealth couples therapy, is a way to seek relationship therapy from home. You and your partner will meet with your therapist through an online video conferencing platform. In these sessions, you’ll work on skills like communication and resolving conflicts. Research shows that online couples therapy works just as well as in-person therapy. It also offers additional benefits, like convenience. This article explains couples therapy, the types of couples therapy available, and the benefits of seeing a couples therapist.
What is Online Couples Therapy?
Online couples therapy is a type of talk therapy that is specifically focused on relationships. This means that you and your partner will talk to a therapist specializing in relationships. You’ll work with your therapist to help understand your relationship dynamics and your relationship history. This includes how you communicate and handle conflicts. Then, you’ll work to introduce more productive behaviors, like better communication.
Although couples therapy is thought of for married couples, you don’t have to be married to benefit. Couples therapy is helpful for couples at any stage of their relationship. This includes those who are dating, engaged, married, or in long-term partnerships. Couples therapy can be helpful for any couple who is experiencing issues in their relationship, such as conflict, difficulty communicating, or intimacy issues. It can also be helpful for a couple who is undergoing a stressful event, and wants to learn how to better support themselves and each other.
But you don’t have to be having issues to seek support. Couples therapy can also be a preventative tool. A couples therapist can help you and your partner spot potential problems before they become bigger issues. They can also teach you better ways to communicate and resolve conflicts. This all helps build a stronger, happier relationship.
Types of Couples Therapy Available Virtually
Different therapists may use different methods in couples therapy. These might target different areas and include different coping methods. Some may work better in certain situations. Common types of couples therapy available virtually include:
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT helps people understand and process their emotions. This helps with developing stronger bonds and emotional connections for more fulfilling relationships. When you and your partner work with an EFT therapist, you’ll learn to identify unhelpful patterns in your relationship. You’ll gain skills to break these cycles. You’ll also learn to communicate your feelings and needs more clearly.
Gottman Method: The Gottman Method is specific to couples therapy. It emphasizes communication, conflict resolution, and intimacy in relationships. At the start of therapy with the Gottman Method, you and your partner will take an assessment. This helps your therapist understand your history and goals better. Your therapist will teach key relationship skills, like building trust and checking how your relationship is doing.
Psychodynamic couples therapy: Psychodynamic couples therapy helps reveal the unconscious processes and past experiences that may affect your current relationship. Your therapist will help you understand these patterns. You will also be more aware of how they show up in your current relationship. You’ll then learn healthier and more productive ways to communicate.
Behavioral therapy: Behavioral couples therapy helps identify the effects of different behaviors in a relationship. It works well for relationship issues related to substance abuse because it helps the person recover and strengthens the relationship. After identifying negative behaviors, your therapist will help you introduce more positive behaviors. You’ll also learn skills like communication and problem-solving.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT focuses on the relationship between emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. You will learn to spot unhelpful thoughts and actions that cause negative feelings. Then, you’ll focus on adding more helpful thoughts and behaviors. CBT helps with personal challenges like anxiety and depression. It also addresses relationship problems. So, it can be helpful for couples facing stress or psychological issues.
What Online Couples Therapy Can Help With
If you want to improve your relationship with your partner, you’re not alone. Online couples therapists have experience working with couples in several different areas, including:
Relationship roles: Sometimes, conflict can happen over what each person is responsible for in a relationship. Couples therapy can help partners find new roles. This can balance power and set boundaries. This way, no one person feels overwhelmed.
Beliefs and values: Beliefs and values can guide much of a person’s behavior. In couples therapy, your therapist can help you explore your beliefs and values to see where you align. If you differ in some areas, then your therapist can help you find common ground.
Finances: Finances can be a stressful topic. Your couples therapist can help you and your partner identify your financial beliefs and goals. They can also help you develop improved communication skills to make it easier to talk about this topic.
Quality time: Quality time helps build a strong emotional bond in a relationship. It also creates positive memories together. If you and your partner are finding that you’re not spending enough quality time together, your therapist can help. They can help you each identify the type of quality time you need. They can then work with you to create a schedule for incorporating more of this meaningful time into your lives.
Children: A therapist can help you and your partner to better understand your family dynamic. They can also help you develop better parenting skills and improve your communication.
Familial relationships: Familial relationships, like in-law relationships, can create tension in a relationship. A therapist can help you introduce boundaries and find familial balance.
Sex & intimacy: Couples therapy is a safe space where couples can discuss their feelings around sex and intimacy. A couples therapist can help with sexual concerns, such as libido. They can also help with psychological issues affecting sexual function, like anxiety or depression. A couples therapist can also support emotional intimacy. This might involve developing trust and encouraging vulnerability.
Health issues: When one partner is diagnosed with a serious or chronic health issue, it can introduce a lot of stress into the relationship. It might also change the relationship dynamic, as partners may need to shift responsibilities. A therapist can help with working through the many emotions that may be associated with changes in health. They can also help to introduce stress management strategies and better communication skills.
External stressors: When life is stressful, this can impact the relationship. Partners might be feeling emotionally exhausted, withdrawn, or have difficulty communicating. A couples therapist can teach you and your partner ways to reduce stress and solve problems.
Infidelity: Whether emotional or physical, infidelity can cause a lot of complex emotions. A therapist can help you work through these emotions and introduce boundaries in the relationship.
Major life changes: Major life changes, like a move or a change of careers, can introduce stress. A couples therapist can help you with your emotions. They can also help you to understand your partner better. This can help improve communication and strengthen your bond.
Benefits of Online Couples Therapy
Couples therapy can help you and your partner develop skills that lead to more fulfilling relationships. Some benefits of online couples counseling are:
Better understanding: Sometimes, it can be difficult to understand where your partner is coming from. And, it can even be difficult to identify your own emotions and patterns of thinking. In couples therapy, you can gain a better understanding of how both you and your partner are feeling.. This can help you relate to your partner better and improve your communication.
Identify relationship issues: In a relationship, it can be hard to see issues. For example, you might notice that you and your partner are arguing a lot, but might not understand why. A therapist can help you spot issues in your relationship. They can also share useful coping strategies.
Enhance communication: Communication is key in a relationship. You and your partner need to understand each other’s needs, boundaries, and values. A couples therapist can spot communication styles and help change unhealthy ones. They can also help to introduce communication skills, like “I” statements and active listening.
Resolve conflicts: If you and your partner are having trouble resolving conflicts, a couples therapist can help. They do this by providing a safe space for you and your partner to discuss the issue. They can also help each partner express their feelings, understand each other, and create a compromise.
Terminate dysfunctional behavior: Past experiences or mental health issues can impact current relationships. A couples therapist can help with identifying this harmful behavior. They can then teach you how to create better habits.
Stronger bond: Couples therapy can help you and your partner connect better. You’ll improve communication and understanding. Couples therapy can also spot smaller issues before they grow. This helps prevent bigger conflicts and improves communication.
Improved coping skills: Couples therapy can help both you and your partner learn more productive skills to manage stress. This can make you more resilient to life’s challenges, both inside and outside of your relationship.
Many individuals also find that attending couples therapy online is more convenient. Some specific benefits of attending couples therapy online include:
Great for long-distance relationships: Long-distance couples therapy helps partners in different places join relationship therapy. Long-distance couples therapy also addresses unique challenges. These include societal influences and finding a balance between quality time and independence.
Convenient: Because there’s no traveling to a therapist’s office, online therapy is more convenient. You can connect with a therapist from anywhere, and there’s no need to deal with the stress of traveling to a therapist’s office.
Works for any schedule: Online couples therapy works well for busy and alternative schedules. Because there’s no need to commute, there’s less of a time commitment for you. It can also be easier to connect with a therapist whose schedule works with yours. For example, you can connect with a therapist who offers early morning, evening, or weekend hours.
Flexibility: Because you and your partner don’t need to be in the same room to connect with your therapist, this can make things easier. For example, if one partner has a busy work schedule or travels frequently, they can still connect virtually for sessions.
Increased comfort: Some people feel a stigma around attending therapy. Attending therapy online can help them avoid this feeling. Some individuals might also find that they feel more comfortable and secure in their own home, which can help them to get more out of therapy.
How Long Does it Take Online Couples Therapy to Work
Because couples have different needs and goals with couples therapy, how long it takes to notice the impact can vary. According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, the average number of sessions is 12. Nearly two-thirds of couples require fewer than 20 sessions. It is important to note that these numbers are averages; ultimately what is important is that your needs as a couple are met, not how long you’ve been in therapy.
Multiple studies show that online couples counseling works just as well as in-person therapy. Couples enjoy benefits such as better relationship satisfaction. They also feel less depressed, anxious, and stressed.
That being said, there are a few factors that can impact the effectiveness of online relationship therapy. These include:
Participation: Both partners must be willing to participate in therapy and implement changes into their lives. This also involves completing any homework. If you’re wanting to attend couples therapy but your partner is unsure, our article How to Convince My Partner to Go to Couples Therapy can help.
Timing: When couples therapy is started sooner, it can be effective more quickly. This is because any issues are smaller.
Therapeutic alliance: This is the relationship between the therapist and their clients. When clients feel safe, supported, and heard, therapy can be more effective. Choosing a therapist who makes you and your partner feel this way is helpful.
Sometimes, individuals might also participate in individual and couples therapy at the same time. If you’re wondering if you should start couples therapy before individual therapy, there are benefits to both. Couples therapy offers a safe place to discuss shared issues. Individual therapy focuses on personal well-being, like disordered eating or past trauma.
What to Expect From Online Couples Therapy
Sometimes, attending therapy can seem overwhelming. But, couples therapy can be part of your self-care. It can strengthen your bond with your partner and build a solid foundation for your relationship. Online couples therapy works the same as in-person couples therapy. The only difference is that your appointments are virtual. You and your partner will communicate with your therapist through a secure videoconferencing platform.
Your first appointment will be an intake session. In this appointment, your therapist will ask questions to learn more about you and your partner’s relationship. This includes how you met and how long you’ve been together. You’ll also discuss any challenges that you’ve faced as a couple. Finally, your therapist will ask about you and your partner’s goals for therapy. For example, you might want to improve your communication or figure out how to better resolve conflicts. This session helps your therapist understand your relationship and find areas that might need improvement.
The next step is to develop goals for therapy. Typically, these include both short-term and long-term goals. For example, in the short term, you might want to learn better stress management techniques to help you and your partner progress towards the long-term goal of a more resilient relationship. Your therapist will also create a timeline. This timeline includes the number and frequency of sessions recommended to achieve your goals.
Sessions will look different depending on what your goals are. You might work on developing better communication skills. Or, your therapist might help you and your partner learn better ways to resolve conflicts. Your therapist might also assign homework to help you implement the strategies you learn into daily life. During your sessions, you’ll also reassess and monitor your progress towards your goals.
If you think couples therapy might be right for you and your partner, Browse Couples Therapists to get started.
Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy
Q: Is online therapy effective for couples?
Yes. Online couples therapy has been shown to be just as effective as in-person couples therapy. Research shows that 70-90% of couples see big improvements in their relationship and well-being after therapy.
Q: How much does online couples therapy cost?
You might be wondering, “Is couples therapy covered by insurance?” Our mission is to make high-quality couples therapy accessible by working with insurance companies to cover mental health services in-network. Over 95% of our clients pay an average of $28 per session through insurance.
Q: What percentage of couples survive couples therapy?
Statistics show that 70-80% of couples improve and stay together after therapy. This is much higher than those who don’t seek help.
Q: Who should not use online therapy?
People facing a crisis or a more severe mental health issue, like psychosis or severe depression, may benefit more from in-person treatments. Individuals who don’t have access to a private place to participate in sessions may also benefit more from in-person therapy. A Care Navigator can help to understand your needs and goals to suggest the best therapy for you.
Q: What are the disadvantages of couples therapy?
Couples therapy often has high success rates. However, it can sometimes bring deeper issues and incompatibilities to the surface. While this can be uncomfortable, it can also help you make an informed decision about your relationship.