‘What’s Your Coming Out Story?’ It’s Not Always a Simple Answer
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“What’s your coming out story?” It’s a seemingly simple question but complex, layered, and messy to anyone on the receiving end, even at a time like National Coming Out Day.
Coming out isn’t a singular event. It doesn’t happen in one defined moment or over the course of a day; rather it happens over the course of a lifetime. It's an ongoing process of deciding how much to share, with whom, and in which settings. Some may find it easy to shout from the rooftops, while others prefer to keep their identity more private.
Fixating on the thoughts like, “I should have known sooner,” or "If only I'd said this instead of that..." is just our brain's attempt at quieting our emotions, launching us into a cycle of over-thinking, worrying, and feeling shame. Coming out, like most of life, is an unfolding path on the journey to self-discovery that presents itself differently in various life phases. And while this may feel overwhelming, it presents a wonderful opportunity to consider our own narrative: What is the story we have been told about our own identity? Is that story my truth, or am I accepting versions of my story created by others?
“Coming out, like most of life, is an unfolding path on the journey to self-discovery that presents itself differently in various life phases.”
Growing up in an environment — or more broadly, society — with limited tangible access to queer stories can complicate the process of self-discovery. We aren’t born with language or a guidebook to navigate our feelings. There is no manual; we are shaped by our lived experiences. It takes time to find and learn the language that describes your feelings and fits your experience.
Generationally, this narrative is shifting. Youth today have greater access to community, resources, language, and support. Whenever and wherever you find your community, sharing your story can deepen your sense of belonging, empower you to live your truth, and increase PRIDE in yourself.
You may know your truth from a young age, or you may find that your identity is fluid and changing across your lifetime. After coming out to yourself, friends, and family, you may still feel nervous about mentioning your partner at work. This is completely normal. Just as there is no right or wrong way to be a member of the LGBTQ+ community, there is no "right or wrong" way to come out!
We all have the opportunity to determine when and how to share our truth. You may begin by testing the water with your chosen family. Wherever you are on your journey, know that you are not alone.