Ingredients For A Positive Experience
Photo by Danielle MacInnes via Unsplash
Imagine this…
You’re hosting a dinner party for friends this weekend and you’re relying on your go-to lasagna recipe. You gather only the finest ingredients to ensure that the meal doesn’t disappoint. You’ve prepared, you’ve got everything you need, and unsurprisingly you create a masterpiece. It works every time. Now picture this… You’ve signed up to work with a coach or a therapist to address some issues coming up in your personal life. In order to get the most out of the experience, there are a few key ingredients you need to have in order for this to be a success.
What is a good start?
Therapy and coaching are ways to invest in your well-being, so it is helpful to come prepared. Some of the ingredients needed to create a positive experience will reveal themselves over time, but there are a few proven standbys to keep in mind when you are just starting out.
Be open: Your openness, although it may feel uncomfortable at times, will improve the quality of your experience. You get to decide how much or how little you open up in therapy, but if you can, fight the urge to hold back.
Bring your whole self (aka the good, the bad, and everything in between): It’s easy to want to hide certain parts of who we are, especially when meeting someone new. In order to get the most gains from this work, it helps to start by showing up with your authentic self.
Identify goals: Think about what prompted you to start in the first place. Having goals identified with your coach or therapist will help gauge how things are going. Keep in mind that your goals may not be the same six months from now, and that’s okay.
Participate and collaborate: A good therapist or coach isn’t going to give you advice or tell you what to do. They are there as a guide. It is up to you to take what you learn in session and apply it in your everyday life. Likewise, it is important to take ownership of what you want to do in the session and what work you’re willing to commit to in between sessions -- and if homework isn’t your thing, say something. No one will be disappointed, and adjustments can be made to ensure you’re getting the most out of the experience.
Commit to making it a priority: It’s not easy to show up every week, and there will certainly be moments when you would rather do just about anything else. If you try to show up consistently, you’ll likely reap the greatest benefit.
Why is it important to know about this?
You will do yourself a disservice if you start therapy or coaching thinking you’ll solve all your problems after one session. Unrealistic expectations can be challenging to overcome, so having some patience for the process will go a long way. It’s normal to feel like things are getting worse before they get better—this just speaks to the intensity of the work you’re doing in session.
Keeping with the theme of showing up, you may start to feel some relief after a few sessions. It feels like the fire that prompted you to start was put out and now you’re feeling so much better. It was a real success, so why keep going?
This is actually the point in the process where the real change gets done. It can be hard to stick with it, especially once you’re feeling better. If you don’t have a readiness to change you may just want to stop while you’re ahead. But while the fire is out now, it will likely continue to reignite until the underlying causes are addressed.
Ambivalence is often understood as uncertainty or indecision. In coaching and therapy, it is a way to gauge a person’s readiness to change. If there is a strong sense of ambivalence, it may cause the process to feel stagnant. Your provider may suggest a pause until you are ready or suggest other more appropriate services. This shouldn’t be viewed as a negative. But, just like the light bulb, until you’re ready and committed to doing the work, this may not be a worthwhile investment.
What if it feels like something is off?
Check your gut.
Does something feel off? Are you withholding or trying to present yourself in a certain way? Do you have a feeling of dread before each therapy session? Try to keep tabs on these feelings and whenever possible, bring them up with your therapist or coach. Open and honest communication is key.
You may not be able to bring all of the ingredients to your first few sessions. Just keeping them in mind and simply working towards them is a great start. As always, if something feels off or really challenging, it’s never a bad idea to ask your coach or therapist for some assistance.
With anything in life, substitutions and adjustments may be necessary. It may take some flexibility to achieve the desired results but that’s where just being prepared can go a long way.
by Kelli Morin, LMSW
Clinical Matching Specialist, Midtown Manhattan