Revenge Bedtime Procrastination and Staying Up Too late

By Luis Herrera via Stocksy

 

By Kelly Panas, PhD

Octave therapist

 

I saw a sign once that read, “I don’t even believe myself when I say I’ll be there in 5 minutes.” It made me laugh because it’s so often true. Despite having good intentions, we often make choices that work against those intentions. With my clients, I often see this tendency with sleep habits and bedtime revenge procrastination.

What Is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination?

Revenge bedtime procrastination is the act of staying up too late to make up for the lack of free time or relaxation time during the daytime. We often see this type of behavior with parents who are working all day, then watching children until bedtime and staying up late after the children go to bed to get time to themselves.What Does Revenge Bedtime Procrastination Look Like?

What Does Revenge Bedtime Procrastination Look Like?

By the end of a busy day, we realize we haven’t had much time to ourselves. That compounded with decision fatigue — the tiring feeling that overwhelms you after making thousands of decisions — leads us to making hasty decisions.

This is why at 1 am, it’s easier to keep scrolling on your phone or watching TV than to give yourself the opportunity to sleep before having to get up at 7 am for work. Sleep specialists refer to this as revenge bedtime procrastination. The “revenge” is from the desire to stay up late to catch up on the free time you didn't have during the day, as if you’re taking revenge for the leisure time you missed. Despite rationally knowing that sleep would be good for you, you’re making an emotional decision to prolong pleasure.

Is Revenge Sleep Procrastination Harmful?

A little lost sleep here or there won’t be problematic or harmful. However, chronic lack of sleep or chronic sleep deficiency, besides making the next morning miserable, is linked to many health problems like heart disease, high blood pressure, stroke, diabetes, and depression. You may also see negative effects on mental and emotional health as well as reduced self-regulation and impulse control. 

Revenge bedtime procrastination can also harm relationships. Everyone gets cranky when they don’t get enough sleep. Coupled with daytime stresses, you may find yourself snapping at the people you love most.

Since a lot of bedtime procrastination today involves mindless scrolling, this can frustrate your loved ones as well. They might understand that it’s a way of destressing but still feel that it comes at the cost of your attention the next day.

Is Revenge Bedtime Procrastination a Problem for My Sleep?

I’m a big believer in the old adage, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If your current sleep pattern is working for you and allowing you to function well, then there’s no reason to mess with it. Research suggests that on average, adults require between 7-9 hours of sleep/night; however, everybody (and every body) is different and may need more or less sleep to function adequately. 

Some people are night owls and function well in the day or move their sleep to wake later in the mornings. My definition of functioning well includes: 

  • Not exclusively relying on coffee and high sugar items to keep you fueled.

  • Having good focus and energy throughout the day.

  • The ability to manage stressors adaptively in your day without blowing up easily. 

If you feel any of the following, you could be experiencing sleep deprivation and it’s probably time for a change:

  • Lacking energy

  • Feeling tired and irritable

  • Experiencing difficulty concentrating or trouble recalling information

  • Struggling to regulate your emotions

Why Sleep and a Proper Bedtime is so Beneficial

There truly is no better gift to ourselves than a good night’s rest as it impacts our mood, energy, memory, and concentration for the next day and days after. I can see you rolling your eyes, because like many other things we should be doing, we know this. We know that eating more nutritiously, exercising, and reducing stress are keys for our health. Yet we have trouble engaging in the more optimal health behaviors. 

Still, if you engage in revenge bedtime procrastination, sleep is a good place to start changing unhealthy habits. It doesn’t eat into your schedule and you don’t have to spend money on it. If you don’t struggle with insomnia or other sleep issues, you don’t even need to practice.

For those who do struggle with sleep issues, appreciating the importance of quality sleep can help you take it as seriously as you would any other health issues. Investing in improving your sleep is no different from spending time and money improving your fitness and nutrition.

How to Work on Eliminating Revenge Bedtime Procrastination

I’ve worked with dozens of clients to overcome revenge sleep procrastination. If you’re partaking in revenge bedtime procrastination, here’s the formula to finally put it to rest:

Observe the Root Cause

First thing to do is to figure out why you do this — sit with yourself in that moment and ask why. Any number of reasons may ring true: you need to finish homework, or family tasks, you enjoy watching TV or reading your book, you enjoy the quiet that night can bring when everyone else is asleep and the day is done, or you feel you deserve or need more time to relax and be less tense from your day.  

Thin Your Schedule 

If your schedule is too full, is it possible to let go of some of the responsibilities so that you can regain some downtime in your day? If you have volunteer responsibilities, look to wean yourself down to only what is of highest priority to you. Can you say no to optional committees or projects at work? Can others in your family help with home duties to increase how much time you have to yourself? Is it possible to get 30 minutes to yourself at the end of the day when others would be busy with their own projects? 

Practice Acceptance

Regardless of whether or not you are able to trim responsibilities and gain back time, acceptance may be the best bet for this busy period of time in your life. Acceptance does not mean we approve or like what is true; it means we acknowledge what is. Acknowledging and validating the difficulty of this time, and reminding yourself that it won’t last forever are good strategies to help yourself manage, despite it not making the situational stress different. 

Acceptance and willingness allow us not to add more distress to what is already difficult or painful. This means sitting with the discomfort of the moment and allowing it to be there, without struggling against it (i.e., without attempting to distract, avoid, or numb from it).

Rethink Down Time

If your schedule does not afford dropping any responsibilities, then you may have to be flexible in how you conceptualize and accept your down time. Maybe your down time can occur earlier in the evening before the end of day or during your lunch break. 


Research shows that when we are not mindful (i.e., doing one thing at a time with awareness and intentionally focused in a nonjudgmental way), we are less happy. Finding an activity that centers you, even if for a few minutes, can be your new “me time”, even if it’s not the full 1-2 hours at the end of the night.

Practice Sleep Hygiene

The brain and body need proper wind down time to go into rest mode. Doing anything stimulating in bed like working on your laptop, playing on your phone, or watching TV teaches your mind and body to be alert and in an aroused state. 

Your bedroom is a sanctuary for rest, and it must be protected. Otherwise, both internal and external stimuli can become associated with difficulty falling asleep and can trigger alertness, frustration, which are not conducive to sleep. For example, if you toss and turn in bed, this will understandably create frustration. Before going to bed you think to yourself, “Here we go again. Another night of bad sleep” and you’re already frustrated before you get in bed. Frustration has now become associated with your bed, and this is exactly what you don’t want. 

If you cannot fall asleep after 15-20 minutes, get up and out of bed and do something relaxing until you feel sleepy again, and then get back in bed to try again. Avoid activating activities that will keep you up, like looking at screens, and opt for something relaxing like stretching. Keep repeating this process as often as you need to to reteach your mind and body to associate relaxation and rest with your bedroom.

Other sleep hygiene methods I’ve seen work with clients include:

  • Taking a hot bath or shower. A 2019 meta-analysis found that taking a hot shower or bath for at least 10 minutes improved participants’ sleep quality more than those who didn’t take one.  

  • Avoiding long naps. A famous 1995 study by NASA showed that the ideal nap length is 26 minutes. The 26-minute nap leads to better job performance and alertness, and minimizes the effects of sleep inertia.

  • Creating a cozy sleeping nest with fans, white noise, nature sound music, window shades, eye masks, blankets, and even fresh air.

We often have the goal to get better sleep but don’t do anything to change it. Putting visual reminders in the environment can be helpful including a sticky note/phone note about how good it will feel to have energy or have more bandwidth to handle stressors. I know someone who turns on the same sleepy music at 8 pm each night to get their kids ready for bed and then turns all the lights off in their home at 8:30 pm. This routine encourages the person to also go to bed at this time, as the automatic default.

Use Small Changes to Improve Your Sleep Routine

The key to this formula is committing to making small changes in order to see a big change in your life. But the formula works best when you understand the reasons behind your revenge bedtime procrastination. Working with a therapist can help you identify the root cause, make healthy changes to get more rest, and determine if there's more that can be done to protect your health. You don't have to keep losing sleep over revenge bedtime procrastination.

Responding To ChallengesNicole Bruno