As the World Reopens More, Covid Masking Can Spark Social Anxiety
Photo by ArtistGNDphotography via iStock
When you’re the odd one out, it can feel uncomfortable.
Have you ever gone out to dinner with friends while on a restricted diet or a tight budget? While everyone else enjoyed the food and drinks freely, your restrictions made you feel excluded. Or maybe you’ve made the choice to stay sober, and being the only one not drinking at a party left you feeling self-conscious, like you had to constantly explain why you didn’t need a beer. Nowadays, wearing a mask can produce these same feelings.
Three years into the pandemic, everyone is making personal choices about navigating public spaces. For those who are still wearing masks, going into public or a crowded place now brings a layer of complexity. Is it inside or outside? How many people will be there? Will anyone else be in a mask? Should I even bother going? With so few people still wearing masks, being the only one masked can create feelings of distress and lead to hyper-fixation about your choice.
That long look the grocery store cashier gave you can create a string of thoughts: Was that because of my mask? What are they thinking? Are they annoyed or angry that I'm wearing a mask? Are they upset to see a symbol of the lingering pandemic?
This worry about others' opinions of us is a form of social anxiety. The formal diagnosis of social anxiety disorder is a marked and persistent fear of social situations that is pervasive and causes distress or impairment in life. Even though the anxiety associated with masking may not necessarily rise to the level of a formal diagnosis of social anxiety disorder, this type of social anxiety can be distressing enough to impact the way you feel about your choices and yourself.
“This worry about others’ opinions of us is a form of social anxiety.”
Many of the tools used to manage social anxiety disorder can also be used to address your feelings of self-consciousness and anxiety about being the only person in a mask.
Use relaxation strategies to calm your body.
Deep breathing has a very real impact on our fight-or-flight reaction to stress. It allows us to create some space between our thoughts and feelings prior to engaging in a behavior so that we can respond more wisely versus reacting impulsively. Deep breathe by inhaling for a count of 4 and exhaling for a count of 8. Make sure to engage your diaphragm/belly area so that it expands when breathing in and contracts when breathing out.
If deep breathing isn’t your thing, use visualization. Imagine a relaxing place in your mind and what you would see, smell, touch, hear, feel, and taste in that environment. You are shooting to obtain those relaxing feelings associated with that idyllic visual scene.
Stay grounded in the intention.
Ask yourself: What is my behavior in the service of? It’s an important question to answer whenever we are not connected to the moment. My health, my loved one’s health, my own safety and loved one’s safety.
Wearing a mask once felt like an act of solidarity, a commitment to protect people in your community. You may find yourself still wearing a mask because it decreases your chances of contracting or spreading COVID-19, you may be immunocompromised, or you may have a loved one who is immunocompromised and wear one to keep them safe.
You are not harming others by wearing a mask in a public space. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and you decide your own behavior based on how you feel comfortable moving about your daily life.
I often use this piece of advice with my clients: You don’t have to attend every fight you’re invited to. If someone engages you in conversation about your mask, you can choose to respond verbally, to walk away, or to nod politely and go about your business. We are not responsible for other’s behaviors; we’re only responsible for our own.
Identify, label, and let go.
“They are looking at me and judging me for my mask.”
Recognize that we don’t truly know what others are thinking unless they tell us. Feel like you’re getting the stink eye from that barista? That barista may be having a particularly bad day and giving the stink eye to everyone, and it’s not a personal insult to you for wearing a mask. We cannot assume we know the reason for other people’s moods.
If you feel eyes on you, you can identify your self-consciousness or anxiety, and remind yourself that you do not know what others are thinking. People are typically very self-involved and in their own worlds versus obsessing about us.
Be where your feet are.
Be where your feet are versus in the dialogue and stories you are telling yourself. You are feeling awkward, embarrassed, self-conscious, and anxious about being one of the only people in the store wearing a mask. Acknowledge it and let it be, which means identifying how you feel but not hyperfocusing on it to the exclusion of the rest of your experience in the moment. If you hyperfocus on something, it often becomes bigger and creates more distress than may already be present.
Mindfulness teaches us to notice where our mind is. Letting it be involves learning to let the unpleasant be present without struggling against it, trying to change it, or distracting ourselves from it. What do you feel, see, hear, smell? You are wearing a mask at a cafe. Your feet are connected to the floor. You feel the texture of the coffee cup in your hands as you pay for your beverage. You hear the adjacent barista talking to another customer about how busy this time of day is.
While these strategies won’t eliminate the distress you may feel about being one of the few to still be wearing a mask, they will help you manage your feelings of anxiety and prevent them from becoming more distressing. Remember, what you choose to wear to navigate public spaces is your decision, and any worries of being watched by others or of others’ opinions of us are assumptions which add to our feelings of anxiety. Stay focused on yourself and your tasks, and remind yourself you have important reasons for doing what you’re doing.
Looking for a therapist to help you develop tools to deal with social anxiety? Octave has over 1,000 therapists that can support your unique mental health needs.